Dear Miss Manners: If I invite someone to join me for an event via text or email, and they haven’t responded, how long should I wait before inviting someone else? Sending a casual invite with a deadline doesn’t seem very personable. If I move on to another person, should I let the first choice know? If so, how can I phrase it without sounding like I’m chastising them for not responding promptly?

What if the timeline is tight, like I won concert tickets for this evening and I’m looking for a companion? Is it okay to invite multiple people and let them know that the spot will be filled by whomever responds first? How would I phrase that?

You will fluster your correspondents less if you give them a chance to respond before moving on. This applies equally to guests and Miss Manners.

Deadlines diminish an invitation, and should therefore only be included (with an apology) if reasonable, unavoidable and reasonably unavoidable. A qualifying example would be, “I apologize for the incredibly short notice, but I have one extra ticket for the 8 o'clock show tonight. Would any of you three be able to use it?” A nonqualifying example would add, “I'm at the box office now.”

Dear Miss Manners: I have a relative who has been living with her boyfriend for a few years now. Last year, they took a vacation to Asia and got married while on their trip. It was basically an elopement, as no one knew until after the fact.

My relative has just sent out a social media post informing friends and family that the last year has been hectic and they've made the decision to forgo a reception. They plan on continuing to “celebrate their marriage in a more intimate way, as they see people individually” … whatever that means.

In lieu of gifts, they've booked a honeymoon in Hawaii. She then gave a link so people could contribute money for snorkeling and surfing lessons.

Maybe I’m too old-school, but is this normal? Will I be in bad taste if I don’t contribute to their snorkeling and surfing lessons?

You can certainly be forgiven for noticing that your relative only had time between her vacations to stick out her hand for more. Or for not wishing to participate in their marriage in a more intimate way.

Dear Miss Manners: I know a parent who constantly says “Hey you” to their kids. It drives me crazy — I feel it’s a very rude thing to say to your child all the time.

Is it just something getting under my skin, or is it actually rude and impersonal for a mother to address her kids like that?

Whose mother are we talking about? If it is not yours, then Miss Manners hopes you understand that it is not your place to intervene. And if it is, then she expects the two of you to discuss this and work out an agreeable compromise in a civilized manner.

New Miss Manners columns are posted Monday through Saturday on washingtonpost.com/advice. You can send questions to Miss Manners at her website, missmanners.com. You can also follow her @RealMissManners.

2024 Judith Martin