Julie, a 47-year-old counsellor and mother of two from Northamptonshire, made the drastic decision to take her daughter out of school last June, before the end of year 3.

“My child had been struggling with the school environment from the start,” Julie said. “She’s autistic, has sensory difficulties, finds noise and lights difficult, but is academically clever. She found it so hard to navigate relationships with peers and her anxiety was so intense she was mostly mute at school.

“Her attendance started to drop and I was at risk of being fined and potentially having a criminal record because of it, which would have jeopardised my right to work in my field. The GP recommended that she be taken out of school, as she was biting all the inside of her cheeks and rubbing her tongue on her teeth till it bled. I had no choice but to remove her.”

Julie’s daughter, now nine, has been home educated since, an experience Julie describes as “distressing” due to her lack of knowledge about teaching and home learning, and a lack of support.

A referral to an NHS occupational therapist resulted in her daughter being assessed as not struggling enough to qualify for specialist support, and since she was doing well academically in mainstream education, a special needs school would not be suitable, Julie said.

“We’re left with nothing, it’s terrible. I don’t want to homeschool my child,” she said.

The family finances have taken a big hit, as Julie has had to cut her hours to supervise her daughter.

However, despite all this, Julie concedes there have been positives: “In some ways she’s better now than she’s ever been, and I would say she’s now finding her feet in social-emotional ways. Academically she’s fine for the moment, and perhaps being able to self-regulate and develop confidence is more important for her future.”

Hundreds of parents from across the country got in touch with the Guardian via an online callout to share why they had taken their children out of school, with more than two-thirds saying they had switched to home education either this year or last.

While a majority said they had deregistered their children as a last resort because schools had been unable to support complex health needs such as autism or anxiety disorders, a significant number also said they did so because they did not feel a school environment enabled their children to thrive socially, emotionally and academically.

The number of children in England being home educated increased by more than 10,000 last autumn to 92,000, with mental health increasingly cited by parents as the main reason, according to official figures.

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Scores of parents of pupils with special educational needs (SEN) told the Guardian their children had been traumatised by their time in school and there had been no other solution but to deregister them, as they had been refusing or unable to attend school regularly.

Matthew, a 45-year-old software developer from Suffolk, removed his son from school last year, in year 9, to avoid being fined for a week-long absence.

“After the switch to secondary school he started having anxiety attacks that slowly escalated,” Matthew said. “They were mainly related to tests, homework demands, and managing expectations. The chaotic and uncertain environment of frequent supply teachers, constantly shifting timetables and bullying made it very difficult for him to cope.”

The school, Matthew said, refused to authorise any absence for mental health reasons, despite his son’s previously good attendance. “They were very antagonistic and unwilling to work with us. I couldn’t afford the fines.”

The home education experience, led by himself and his wife, has been “a mixed bag”, says Matthew.

“Our son’s panic attacks have mostly disappeared, he’s gained confidence and has been making better progress academically, because we’ve been able to tailor the topics more closely to his interests and ability. But much of this success is down to the fact that we were both working as qualified teachers in the past. I worry about all the people in a similar situation who aren’t teachers, and don’t have understanding employers – mine has allowed me to work flexibly from home.”

The downside, Matthew says, is that his son has been feeling even more isolated, despite joining some community clubs. “He is still in contact with friends, but I don’t think it’s a workable long-term solution for him.”

Many parents also cited concerns about bullying and poor behaviour of other students as the main trigger for their decision, while many others said they felt the national curriculum no longer prepared their children for the modern world and workplace, or let them explore their interests.

“The school my daughter was attending was huge and very overwhelming, with significant bullying and too many naughty children who took up far too much teachers’ time,” said one such parent, Ellie, 43, from Leicestershire, whose daughter is in year 9.

“There was too much emphasis on appearance, uniform and unnecessary things. Silly punishments. The school day was long: her bus journey began at 7.15am, she was not back home until 4pm, then she’d have approximately two hours of homework, leaving little or no time to do anything she enjoyed. She had no life beyond worksheets and learning things that are no longer relevant.”

Home education, Ellie said, had been “phenomenal” for the past year.

“It’s made all of our lives much better, my daughter is happy, relaxed, has time for other things such as gym and swimming and has found her love of reading again.”

Another concern raised by many parents was a curriculum reportedly so crammed that it left no opportunity for repeating content and to make up for lost learning during the pandemic, and a perception that pupils were bombarded with information, causing children to struggle with basics such as times tables and making homework increasingly harder to complete.

A mother from Salisbury said she took her daughter out of schoolbecause she was academically lagging behind her peers. “Gaps in learning were not being plugged,” she said. “Lessons just moved on and she was left behind. This led to her having very low self-esteem. She felt like a failure. We decided we could better meet her needs.”

Catherine, 50, a teacher from Brighton, who also said that she took her daughter, who has ASC [autism spectrum condition], out of school to avoid fines for poor attendance, is one of many parents who switched to online school.

“She started just on two subjects but now does a full eight and is choosing options for GCSEs. She’s engaged and enjoying her learning, it’s been wonderful.”

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One big relief of online learning, Catherine said, was that her daughter had permission to not turn her camera on during lessons.

“I think we’re fully committed to home education now, and will re-evaluate when it comes to A-levels.

“It is a struggle financially, though. The online school costs £300 a month. I’m a single mum and had to give up working outside the home. I get by on whatever remote work I can find and benefits. I also worry that if my daughter wants to go to university or work in an office environment she will have had no exposure to that kind of thing.”

While many parents praised the advantages of online schooling, some were less convinced, among them 46-year-old Liza, from Walsall, who said her daughter had struggled with online lessons after she left school at the end of year 10 due to bullying. “It was all cameras off, all mics off,” she said. “By the time my daughter had typed up a question, the class had moved on,” she said.

A switch to about 15 hours of private tutoring a week in five subjects instead of eight improved things, she said, though concerns remain.

“I’ve spent over £2,000 on tutors since September, and £1,000 so she can sit exams. She’s better now, however socially it’s been very hard. She’s very isolated, my husband and I both work full-time. The plan is for her to return to school in sixth form.”

Many parents said they were hoping their children would eventually return to school, with some worrying whether they would cope in a school environment after spending years at home.

One parent, who wanted to stay anonymous, said they had taken their child out of year 6 last September because of unmet needs in school, and desperately hoped they would be able to return as soon as possible.

“The experience [of home education] is not great, my child is now struggling to leave the house and is missing out on socialising with peers. She’s too anxious to attend home education meet-ups. We need the correct support so she can attend school. It’s so unfair.”

A mother from Lancashire said her daughter, who would now be in year 8, had been out of school for a year because no place at a special needs school could be found.

“It’s currently taking years to get a diagnosis for ASD or dyspraxia, and we haven’t been able to do home education due to my own health issues. She’s gone without an education for almost a year now. Our children are being failed by a system that is not fit for purpose – the government needs to wake up.”