Late-night hosts talk Donald Trump’s “White House Tinder” cabinet selection process and Republicans’ willingness to exploit loopholes to get their way.

The Daily Show

Jon Stewart returned to his Monday evening perch at The Daily Show to urge Democrats to act like Republicans and “exploit the loopholes” to thwart Donald Trump’s agenda.

“Even those putting up resistance to Trump’s agenda don’t seem to understand who they’re dealing with,” said Stewart before a clip of Elizabeth Warren accusing the president-elect of breaking the law by failing to sign an ethics pledge before the deadline.

“I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Republicans are playing chess, and the Democrats are in the nurse’s office because they glued their balls to their thigh,” said Stewart. “The election that we just had was a repudiation of the status quo, an overly-regulated system that is no longer responsive or delivering for the needs of the people or their beloved behatted squirrels. Oh, RIP, Peanut.”

“Government is theoretically a constitutional system of checks and balances between equally powerful branches,” he continued. “But what government actually is, is an overly complicated, byzantine, bureaucratic maze of rules, loopholes to those rules, and norms. Complex enough that, A, if you want to find a rule that keeps you from doing something, you’ll find it. And B, if you actually want to do something, you can find a loophole to get around said rule. And then the norms are just how often you’ve had to pull any of this shit.

“Republicans exploit the loopholes,” he later added. “Democrats complain about the norms over and over and over, and it has ghastly consequences.”

Trump and his allies “don’t give a fuck about your norms. They will exploit any loophole, even if they have to go through clearly closed windows to do it,” Stewart concluded before showing footage of January 6. “Now Trump has the House, Senate, presidency and judiciary. So it’s gonna get harder, not easier. Democrats are going to have to forcefully play the loophole.”

Seth Meyers

On Late Night, Seth Meyers analyzed a photo of Trump, Robert F Kennedy Jr, Elon Musk and the speaker of the House, Mike Johnson, eating McDonald’s onboard the president-elect’s private jet this weekend. “This picture really is such a perfect encapsulation of the Trump presidency,” he said. “The president-elect, hanging out with the speaker of the House, and the richest man alive, and an anti-science crank on a private plane.

“I love that they essentially hazed RFK Jr, who rails against processed food and has called fast food poison, by not only making him eat McDonald’s, but forcing him to take a picture while doing it,” he added. “I mean, look at that face. You know that’s McDonald’s, because that right there is a fucking grimace.

“And now Trump is hazing the GOP the same way he’s hazing RFK Jr,” he continued, “by making them swallow a bunch of deeply unpopular and grotesquely unqualified cabinet picks that even they hate,” such as his attorney general pick, Matt Gaetz, who was under House investigation for sex trafficking, though Johnson has now promised Trump that the report will not be released.

“You know what Republicans would be saying right now if Democrats were trying to cover up a report about sex trafficking allegations over a minor?” Meyers wondered. “The breaking news banner on Fox would be so long you wouldn’t be able to see Sean Hannity screaming behind it.

“The cover-up is glaring, it’s right in our faces,” he concluded. “They’re being super obvious about it.”

Stephen Colbert

On The Late Show, Stephen Colbert lamented Trump’s modern record for how fast he’s staffing his cabinet. “No surprise there. As Stormy will tell you, if it involves his staff, he finished very quickly,” he quipped.

Trump has made 12 cabinet appointments in the 12 days since the election. “How does he do it? Volume,” said Colbert, citing a report that Trump swipes through potential cabinet picks on giant screens like a White House Tinder. “Tinder? Really? I would’ve gone with UnHinged or OkStupid,” he joked.

One nominee they “swiped far right on” is Gaetz, who has been under House investigation for allegedly accepting improper gifts, having sex with an underage girl and using illicit drugs.

“Maybe not top law enforcement material!” Colbert exclaimed, especially as it’s known that the investigation accuses Gaetz of participating in up to 10 drug-fueled orgies. “He was this close to getting a free one!” the television host joked.

Jimmy Kimmel

And in Los Angeles, Jimmy Kimmel mocked the “grab them by the posse” on Trump’s plane. “This is like the Last Supper, but everyone is Judas,” he joked.

“Only Donald Trump would force his new health czar to eat McDonald’s,” he added. “That’s what he does. These are subservience tests that he gives. Mike Johnson has to go to a fight, RFK has to eat McDonald’s, Matt Gaetz has to date a woman he didn’t pay.”

But Kimmel had a nagging question: “Where’s JD Vance? Didn’t he used to be Trump’s running mate like two weeks ago? Poor JD Vance was at home on his couch – I’m sorry, at home, in his couch.”

In other Trump news, the incoming president has said he will forego the customary FBI background checks for some of his cabinet nominees. “And while you may say, ‘Hey, wait a minute, if Biden had suggested skipping background checks, wouldn’t Republicans in Congress be outraged?’” said Kimmel. “The answer is yes, but this is different because these are Donald Trump’s picks.

“I’m actually with Trump on this one,” he added. “I mean, it’s kinda ridiculous to do background checks for cabinet members when the president himself is a convicted felon, right? There’s no end to this nonsense.”