When Lyndsey joined a dating app in 2021, she didn’t have high hopes. “I was a bit useless at these things,” she says. “I’d moved to Nottingham to work as a sociology and geography research fellow at Nottingham Trent University. After the lockdowns, I was keen to meet new people.” She soon matched with CJ, a journalist with “bright green hair and tattoos”.
The pair started chatting online that autumn. “We talked about pronouns very early on as we both identify as non-binary,” says CJ. “We went for a drink and she was really easy to talk to. It was nice as I’d experienced a string of disastrous dates before that.”
But on the way out of the pub, CJ tripped on a small step, injuring their ankle. “I completely humiliated myself,” says CJ. “I tried to stand up but I knew I’d really hurt myself. I was trying to style it out.” Lyndsey rushed inside to get them a chair, but by the time she returned, CJ had passed out from the pain. Eventually, CJ managed to get home in a cab, but realised the next day that they needed medical help. “I called everyone I knew but nobody was picking up. In the end, I called Lyndsey as it was the only number I had left to try.”
Lyndsey and CJ in DeBarra’s pub in West Cork, 2024. Photograph: Supplied image
Lyndsey came to CJ’s rescue and drove them to the walk-in centre. Despite being embarrassed about the incident, CJ wanted to see Lyndsey again. “I felt like I owed her a second date after everything she did for me when I sprained my ankle.”
They met up for drinks, and CJ told her about the upcoming book they were writing on ADHD and relationships. “I have ADHD and wanted to be open about what I was doing,” says CJ. Lyndsey was really interested in the content. “Two weeks before, I’d also approached my GP about a possible ADHD or autism diagnosis. I am still on the waiting list but it was really helpful to hear CJ talk about the impact it has.”
On their third date, the two made plans to start an online zine together, scribbling ideas on the back of a napkin. “It never ended up happening but that was the night we realised there was really something between us,” says CJ.
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By early 2022, they’d officially become a couple. As well as enjoying pub visits, movie nights and weekends away together, they have also tried out fun activities such as glassblowing and hawking. In November that year, they moved in together and are now planning to buy a house in Nottingham.
“After my work contract finished, I struggled with my mental health,” says Lyndsey. “But CJ was hugely supportive in helping me decide what to do next.” She has recently qualified as a geography teacher, while CJ is still writing books and working in journalism.
The pair’s engagement rings.
This April, they got engaged – after proposing to each other on the same day. “I’d been thinking about proposing for some time, but I wanted to do something that felt right for us as a couple,” says CJ. They travelled to West Cork in Ireland, where CJ’s family is from. “My mum had been diagnosed with cancer and I wanted her to be there to see it,” says CJ. “Lyndsey doesn’t wear much jewellery, so I bought a Haribo ring in the airport.”
Lyndsey had also ordered a ring for the trip, with a black stone and a skull. “On a beach walk, CJ pretended their shoelace was undone and proposed,” she says. “I ran back to the car to get my ring for her, shouting the word ‘yes’ behind me.” After getting engaged, they found a pretty pebble on the beach, which they later had made into Lyndsey’s ring.
The pair are planning two weddings: one in Cardiff, where Lyndsey is from, and one in Ireland. “My mum passed away in May, and it was her wish for us to use her garden for our wedding, so we’re doing that in 2025,” says CJ. “I actively campaigned for gay marriage in Ireland when we had the referendum in 2015, so I’m proud to be returning to marry my partner at home.”
Lyndsey loves the way they support each other. “We both struggle with anxiety but we know the other person is always there,” she says. “I love CJ’s cackling laugh and they are the most hardworking person I’ve ever met. Their resilience and creativity is pretty special.”
CJ appreciates that Lyndsey can find the joy in everything. “She’s really good at practical stuff and we complement each other. We’ve been through a lot in our lives but we have each other’s backs and that’s a godsend.”
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